I know what you mean about all of it. It's the same story as it's always been, but we've added more words because the pictures became so ugly. I know which pictures are good. I remember getting scared and trying to erase those pictures because no one would look at them anymore. Have you ever drawn a picture and erased all over it a hundred times because you just couldn't draw the lines right? And then the page becomes ugly and torn up, and eventually you can't draw anything over all the wrinkles you made, and even if you did it wouldn't count for anything. You have to throw it away and start over.

I think the truth is drawing those lines and stopping yourself from erasing them, even if they don't look like they belong. I think of those women who are perfect, perfect lines connecting perfect lines, with perfect lines drawn all around them... until eventually everything is perfectly in line, and the only truth that matters anymore is that lines keep getting drawn straight. And that is one way to live, but it's very hard, and the laughter always comes on time you know...

The truth about this life in Schuylerville is that I feel it all and I've always felt it all.

watching birds move clouds
certain long walks i'll never forget
remember the road, bushes, the fear, and you
and sane me with an insane heart
thinking ideas i haven't learned the words to say
walking forever thinking up words i know aren't real

Vanilla frosting, I held a hand
dim rooms running around excited and free
make promises to ghosts
and to the ghost
my reflection in the mirror

used to watch the comedians and rehearse what they'd say
it made people smile
used to read the suicidal poets
tried to mimic their sadness
Each art is an effort but in the end it's vanilla frosting that counts

and falling asleep knowing you're with someone else in this fight against loneliness
making someone laugh
so they don't have to cry alone
no matter how good the poem is.

I wonder if this is how I used to write.

Shit's mundane, but shit's good.

This is how mundane shit is: what I'm looking forward to most tomorrow is that I get to have this awesome combination of banana, yogurt, and peanut butter for lunch, and I have my first tennis match. It looks pretty lame written down, but I don't care, it works for me.

My body is a temple. An awesome temple.

I'm making more intelligent choices for what food I eat, exercising more, and actually doing my homework. Before, I wasn't doing any of those things. I wasn't because I thought it would make my life more interesting. Self destructive = interesting, right? Nope. Being a sedentary melancholy pile of pity is actually terrible and boring. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, not that anyone would necessarily choose it.

New music, new attitude, new energy.

Spitting Venom, by Modest Mouse

We were spitting venom at most everyone we know
If the damned gave us a roadmap then we'd know just where to go
Now let it drop
Let it all drop
Let it all drop
Oh, let it all fall off

Well, you were talking soda pop
You talk it quite a lot
The opinions that I do not give
Are the opinions I ain't got

So let it drop
Let it all drop
Let it all drop
Let it all fall off

Oh, well
You were spitting venom at most everyone you know
If you truly knew the gravity
You'd know which way to go

Well, let it drop
Let it all drop
Let it all drop
Oh, let it all fall off

My ears were pressing firmly right against your mouth to hear
When you tried to spit the venom out, your words were not so clear

Now the drop

Hold on to what you need
We've got a knack for fucked-up history
Hold on to what you need
We've got a knack for messed-up history
Well, we went downtown and we sat in the rain
Both looking one direction and waiting for a train
And thought over, thought over
I don't know you kept track
I didn't know there was a score
Well, it looks like you're the winner
I ain't going to play no more
It's over
Game over

Well, we walked real stiff
And our canes tapped the ground
You hit me with yours and said
"You're going to stare me down"
It's over
Oh, it's over

You can say what you want
But don't act like you care
It takes more than one person to decide what's fair
It's over
Think it over

You were spitting venom at most everyone you know
If the damned gave you a roadmap then you'd know just where to go
So we carry all the groceries in
While hauling out the trash
And if this doesn't make us motionless
I do not know what can

So as to say
"What a rotten thing to say!
Such an awful thing to say!
I didn't mean to bite you, sorry"
What always did
What always did
What always had to slang
So let it drop
Let it all drop
Let it all drop
Oh, let it all fall off
Let it drop
Let it all drop
Let it all drop
Oh, let if all fall off

Cheer up, baby
It really wasn't always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Well, cheer up, baby
It wasn't always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had

Cheer up, baby
It wasn't really always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Cheer up, baby
It wasn't always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Well, cheer up, baby
It wasn't really always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Cheer up, baby
It really wasn't always quite so bad
Now, come on, baby
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Well, cheer up, baby
It really wasn't quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Cheer up

Cheer up, baby
It wasn't really always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Well, cheer up, baby
It wasn't always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Well, cheer up, baby
It wasn't always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Well, cheer up, baby
It wasn't always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had
Well, cheer up, baby
It wasn't really always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had

Cheer up, baby
It wasn't always quite so bad
For every bit of venom that came out
The antidote was had